Dear God,
There is a question in ethics and in life about what to do when death and destruction are inevitable. The train track scenario - to save one life that is in some way extraordinary versus saving many lives that are somehow only ordinary - is a common example of this, and we all act like there's an easy answer even though we don't all agree. Do you join the Army? Or do you dodge the Draft? Do you choose a side? Or turn off the TV? If there is no right answer, how can right and wrong exist?
“I would never kill anyone," we say, as we send our sons off to war. "Murder is always wrong.”
Until it's survival. “And then it is never wrong,” we say. “We have the right to self-defense.” Dodging the draft isn't possible when you're under attack, and we are all under attack.
But stealing bread for survival is illegal. George Floyd died over $5.
And what if your survival somehow threatens the survival of thousands? What if you are that one person tied to the train tracks whose life must somehow be considered extraordinary to the one person trapped into considering this dilemma, while thousands of other people are tied to that other track? Would you rather die than live? Or live than die? Does the answer change if you truly are extraordinary - a doctor who has saved thousands, a research scientist close to curing cancer? How many lives does it take for you to think your life is the one worth sacrificing? When does “do no harm” outweigh “do as much good as possible?”
In many ways, this is capitalism. The rat race to the top. It's poker. A few win big often, and many lose many times. The system is rigged, but there's still a system. There's still a game to play. There's still hope. There's still a chance.
What if your survival means the death of millions? What if you actually are an evil villain? What if your stupidity is just so great that even you yourself know that you're gonna be the one that spreads the next plague across the globe? What if you're building a weapon, or a robot army, for the purposes of ethnic cleansing? What if you are actually on a ego-maniac driven religious crusade to decimate Earth's population to make a psuedo Fascist Heaven on Earth for God's so-called Chosen Ones?
Twenty years ago, that would have been an outrageous conspiracy, akin to PizzaGate. But some conspiracies are real. Not all of them are fake. This is kleptocracy. This is tyranny. This is REALITY. (THIS IS NOT MY IMAGINATION.) This is not fiction. This is not high school history. This is what Christian Nationalists in power are preaching, right now, today, and have been, since ... I don't even know, the Bible was written 2,000 years ago, maybe? I'll have to look that one up. But whatever - there is absolutely zero evidence that what is happening right now is not an existential threat to everything I believe in and live for - other than the fact that it has ultimately failed every single time.
But it has never actually been defeated, either.
These are the thoughts I ask myself when I consider this ethics question. What are we to do when death and destruction are inevitable? Are we to do whatever we can to try to stop it? How do we weigh risk and reward? How do we make sure we have considered every possible path toward a solution?
I'm forgetting that there are even more options to consider: I could just close my eyes and cover my ears and do nothing. (You used to see those signs everywhere, remember those? Signs telling you to do nothing, see nothing and hear nothing... )I could just let the train go wherever it's gonna go and just... not even think about making that decision. It's not my guilt to bare, I didn't tie anyone to any tracks. I didn't bring us to the edge of this cliff. I can watch the sun set.
The call to do nothing is loud and in some ways profound. It is starting to feel safer to switch gears and do nothing. My brain is having a harder time functioning from the stress, and I have to remind myself that feelings are deceptive. No matter what it feels like, it is not safer to do nothing now. NOT now. Because we aren't tied to the tracks yet. We are still able to fight for our lives. And will I fight for my life? There was a time when I wouldn't have. But no matter what they say, answers change, beliefs change, people change. I've personally witnessed atheists become born again evangelicals - and visa versa. And today, I will fight for my life like my life depends on it because I can see so many signs that it truly does depend on it. And if I'm lucky, I will live to fight another day and be grateful for it, but if I'm practical, this is not a sprint. This is a life-long marathon to the death, and if you're tired, you need to start training up. Fight for five minutes a day, then 10, then 20, then 30. Because I can also see a potential future where the lucky are the dead, and that scares the crap out of me.
There are many different bloodless ways to fight. You can fight with your money and your wallets if you got money and wallets. I do not. You can fight with your time, you can fight with signs, you can fight with phone calls and with protests and with megaphones. You can fight with your skillset or knowledge. The left needs to embrace more right-wing tactics. Nothing should be off the table when it comes to saving our human rights and protecting the future of the planet from the climate crisis. Stop fact-checking ourselves. The only fact that matters in this moment is that disinformation is ruling our days. Create our own polls. Ask your five closest friends a question and then tell the whole world that 100 percent of respondents agreed that the world is in jeopardy. We must get creative and try anything. I have my words. That is how I was taught I was supposed to fight (though as a woman, I was also told to look pretty and say nothing at all unless I had something nice to say). The First Amendment. Free Speech. Self expression. It's the American Way, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Ever. Battles are won in the public square, through ideas, even through memes. The other side has a fucking content propaganda machine the size and likes of which the world has literally never seen.
I've been a pessimist and a cynic pretty much forever. It's not just a character trait. It must be in my blood, passed on to me by all my ancestors. They are both traits I really do despise about myself, but I just cannot help it. They are a very strong part of me, very loud, very outspoken. But what is a bit harder to see is that I'm also an optimist and an idealist. I wouldn't be here fighting all the time if I didn't still believe that it is possible to save the world. For everything, for every problem throughout history, there has been a remedy. There absolutely must be. Nature will always provide. The Earth will provide. Mother Nature is an amazing Creator, and if She cannot handle it, there are trillions of other stars in space to provide an answer. God tells me I have a purpose. God tells me my life will not be for nothing. God tells me I have to sit and write. God gives me no other choice. God tells me I have to be brave.
I cannot put everyone I love in a protective bubble, though I wish I could. It's probably one of the reasons You, God, told me I was never meant to have kids. Other people are probably much better at that than me. But I can imagine a much, much, much better world than the one we are living in right now. I can imagine a utopia where everyone lives fully creative lives according to their own passion and purpose. I can imagine a system of governance that pays for kindness. And I can imagine that, if we all come together to truly fight for our rights and our lives and our futures like we all should be doing, we can use all the tools at our disposal to still, SOME HOW, make a better world - for everyone.
But we have got to be all-in here. This is an all-in moment.
I do not believe the odds are in our favor. But I don't think they'll ever be any better. The algorithm will always be rigged. The system will always be rigged. We will have to win on love and luck. We will have to call out what we really want before this last card gets flipped and all our money is gone and we are no longer in the game. We will have to will it into existence like it's gonna win you $10 million dollars even though it's just keeping you in the game. But I still believe, we got this.
Right, God? The Earth Provides. The Mother is the Creator. This Rock we are all on is Alive. And as strong as the Billionaires are, they aren’t Gods. Yet. How do we stop them? What do we do? Tell me what to do, God, I’m here and I’m fighting for You.
P.S. As a token of my love and appreciation for all your amazing Wonders, I made You this painting of a seahorse trying to keep all his kids in protective bubbles.
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